Rules of Engagement

no, not the movie... although I did enjoy it and I do love Samuel L. Jackson, but I'm talking about a different set of rules for a different engagement. I mean the real RULES of engagement - the RULES of dating.

It has come to my attention as of late that perhaps I need to better define the rules and then maybe these dates wouldn't be so well, disappointing. There have been a few that I felt were promising but yielded nothing, so in true experimental fashion I have decided to do some research, collect the information and see what I come up with.

Having talked with my friends, and deemed that this research is both quantitative and qualitative, I will attempt to share their insights.

Here are their collective rules of engagement:

Rule #1. no first date shall last longer than 1.5 hours.
This has been difficult, and I didn't think it was my fault but after numerous discussions I have learned that this, regardless of blame, must be stopped. Apparently, my marathon dates (lasting 5+ hours) are an absolute no-no. The ideal date should be enough time to meet, exchange a few pleasantries, swap some stories but the most important part: should leave them wanting. Yes, they should WANT to spend more time with me, WANT to get to know me better. One date actually ground popcorn into the top of my head (think Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber - the face wash scene). This would have been avoided if I had kept the date to 1.5 hours because then he would have had the time to injest only 4 drinks instead of 6 prior to the movie - and yeah, he wanted more.

Rule #2. no stories of past jobs.
After discussing this at length with my friends, who were choking on their food and laughing at my expense, I have been schooled that these stories may be interpreted as somewhat, well, misleading as to who I am. I have worked at various adult watering holes over the years which have left me with some colourful stories to tell. I get nervous and resort to my humour. Self confessed, it's my crutch. However, these stories apparently are interpretted differently by the male species.
I think I'm sharing something funny. They think it's suggestive.
I think they're enjoying the story. They think I'm sleazy...
This is what my friends have indicated. So, no bar stories. End of story.

Rule #3. attentive listening.
This one may be a little more difficult. I get nervous. I start to talk. I feel this undeniable need to fill the empty air, but according to one of my friends: no, let them fill the air. Apparently, men love to talk about themselves. I need to grab the door, wedge it open with a pedicured and well heeled foot, and listen intently, hanging on their every word. I can do this. I am actually interested in what my date has to say...I just need to find a way to get him to open up and fill the empty air...it might be more fun to listen tohim tell embarrassing stories that he can second-guess himself over. Yes...I see the appeal here.

Rule #4. wait for it.
I am usually pretty good at this. I'm not the aggressive type and my one foray into this did not go well so my one girlfriend says, as she gayfully tosses her hair, 'just wait...the lures in the water, you're the fish and you're not going to nibble on just anything.' So, I am to wait and decide which line looks the best, take a closer look at the rod, then the fisherman and decide if I want to nibble.
This is a FUN analogy.

So these are my new rules. The romantic has approved them and the strategist sees their value.
I am going on another date later this week.
Let's see if the rules... rule.