give n' take

I really wonder about giving. I mean - I've been told I'm a kind person - but what is that? I know why I do things that are considered nice - and honestly, if I've done something nice for you - it probably wasn't for you! sorry to burst the Hallmark-like bubble, but really - I did it because it makes me feel good - and the fact that you liked it, is just a fringe benefit!

It's callous, I know, but it's the truth.

the flip side is the 'taking' of it...i'm not too good at that. when someone does something nice for me, I often wonder 'are they going to use this against me later? hold it over my head?' Don't laugh, it's happened (which is probably why I think that). I've been trying to change that thinking - I've been trying to think about how I feel when I've done something kind for someone else. I have that inexplicable tingly feeling in my gut (no, it's not gas) and a stupid little smile on my face...so maybe, if I learn to accept the act of kindness- take what is being offered, then maybe I'm giving someone else that tingly feeling, and if I deny their act of kindness, I'm actually denying them that feeling...that feeling that I love so much? hmmm. makes me think I should take that parking spot that's being offered next time... instead of muttering under my breath some horrible phrase concerning the other drivers' parents/ lineage/ deformities, etc.

clarity of expression

I was thinking to myself that I really enjoy writing. I mean, I really, really love it. I love trying to come up with words, lumping them all together and then ruminating on how each of these words when strung together create an image - a word picture - that is then received by another person. it's the ultimate: it's communication. Sure, I can gesture away (just ask the woman who cut me off while I was driving to work this morning), but it doesn't have the same impact - and still can be open to misinterpretation (I was shaking my fist, really, that's what I was doing - what? you say my middle finger was up? noooooo...)

Words lay it on the line. whether spoken or written - they depict a picture, and the more descriptive - the clearer the picture.

To the lady I gestured to this morning: If you want to continue to drive on a three-lane highway where the speed limit is posted at 100km/hour, it is best to use the shiny little stick located on the left hand side of your steering wheel. This shiny stick is magical: when you push it up, a darling little light turns on, which intermittently flashes, signaling to all drivers around you that you are planning to merge into the lane on your right.

If you push the shiny stick downward, the light flashes intermittently on your left hand side, indicating to other drivers you are wanting into the lane on your left. Thank you for your time and consideration. For our next lesson: the proper pressure to place on the gas pedal (so you can pick a speed and stick with it).