give n' take

I really wonder about giving. I mean - I've been told I'm a kind person - but what is that? I know why I do things that are considered nice - and honestly, if I've done something nice for you - it probably wasn't for you! sorry to burst the Hallmark-like bubble, but really - I did it because it makes me feel good - and the fact that you liked it, is just a fringe benefit!

It's callous, I know, but it's the truth.

the flip side is the 'taking' of it...i'm not too good at that. when someone does something nice for me, I often wonder 'are they going to use this against me later? hold it over my head?' Don't laugh, it's happened (which is probably why I think that). I've been trying to change that thinking - I've been trying to think about how I feel when I've done something kind for someone else. I have that inexplicable tingly feeling in my gut (no, it's not gas) and a stupid little smile on my face...so maybe, if I learn to accept the act of kindness- take what is being offered, then maybe I'm giving someone else that tingly feeling, and if I deny their act of kindness, I'm actually denying them that feeling...that feeling that I love so much? hmmm. makes me think I should take that parking spot that's being offered next time... instead of muttering under my breath some horrible phrase concerning the other drivers' parents/ lineage/ deformities, etc.