the kiss

I did it. Went on another date. Huge potential with this one. We had done Scenario 2 in Spark - which meant emails and emails, phone calls, texts and we really had something...on paper. And then we met - and there was no spark.

I think we prolonged the date hoping against all hope that something would ignite, that the magic from the emails might somehow find light in our meeting. I honestly can't speak for him, he asked if I wanted him to call me and I said yes but we both knew the truth. I even pushed it further by asking for a kiss (much to my surprise -perverse curiosity?) but it was not there. Nothing.

I have been thinking about that. Why did I ask for a kiss? I knew there was nothing, but I still wanted that definitive 'knowledge'. And it came - he leaned over and kissed me and the absolute knowledge that there was nothing there was so apparent I think you could cut it with a knife.

And after getting over the disappointment, deleting the emails and thinking 'oh well, maybe next time'...I am wondering why a kiss matters so much to me. is it the kiss itself? or the anticipation of it? I mean, I do recall (although it's been awhile) meeting someone, exchanging glances, locking on their eyes for a moment and then looking away because I could feel the rise of the heat in my face and was so sure that they could see the effect that they had on me. And, at the end of the date, he walked me back to my car, and then the awkward moment as we try to decide what to do next. This is where I love a man to take charge. If you're feeling it - kiss the girl. I'm not saying that you should grab her, paw her and lock your lips to hers, but you can step in, see if her pupils dilate (that means she likes you), put your hand casually on the side of her waist and then lean in, lips slightly parted and kiss her...I remember what this is like. and I long to have that feeling again. The rush. The delightful and heated feeling as you melt into him, and the next kiss comes - a little longer, a little deeper - and your head starts to spin.

So is it the anticipation? For me, somewhat. And I know that 'he' is out there and I also know that it will come when it comes, and for the time being I can spend some time sighing over disappointments, lamenting my romantic notions but confident in the knowledge that the kiss is coming...and it will be well worth the wait.