The Reject

I was on a date last week. Suprise, suprise. I know, but really, I was.
I wasn't too pumped about it - and not because the guy's profile was off, but because the night before I had met up with a guy and he turned out to be uh, less than charming. He was putting back the wine like Elliot Ness was about to walk into the bar, and then bragging to me that at 40, he loved, and I do mean, LOVED to party. He socked them back and I kept checking my phone...wishing I had the balls of my girlfriend to just walk out on the date, but I stuck it out and had him tell me in a drunken slur that I was 'veeerryy nice.' Prince Charming was laying it out there (in between an inebriated hiccup or two), and I tallied it up to another unsuccessful date, so I held out no hopes for door number two- that is, date number the night after.

But I was wrong. This date was smart, interesting, nice looking and we held a conversation. We enjoyed a few appetizers, a few drinks, a few laughs and when the bill came, I grabbed for my purse and he waved his hand and said 'please, no - let me.' I have to admit - even in this day and age and as much as I enjoy the equality, I truly appreciate when a man pays for the date. We turned to leave, and yes, he held the door, walked me to my car and asked me if I would like to do this again. To which I replied, 'definitely.' He gave me a hug goodbye and I turned and got into my car and thought, 'well, it wasn't an immediate 'spark' but he was definitely someone I wanted to see again.'

I didn't think twice about not hearing from him the next day, and I still didn't think much of it when I didn't hear from him the day after that...but as the days went on - I began to wonder. And when my Captain Picard girlfriend (who boldly goes where this woman has not gone before) told me to drop him a text saying hi and Merry Christmas, much to my discomfort, I did it...and you guessed it, no response.

So this has got me thinking...how could I be so wrong? I've rethought the date, and tried to think if there is some sign that I missed, some story that I might have told that nailed the coffin lid down on the date...but try as I might, I just can't see it. The neurotic in me, or the scientist, would really like to be able to ask him - what was it? what didn't you like? but of course, I am not going to do that. Even Picard would not be able to 'engage' that one, nor ask Number One to 'make it so.' Sometimes you just have to accept that there was just no spark for him.

But it's difficult, isn't it? And it's hard not to take that rejection, well , personally. I have been told I have a great picture, and it's got me to thinking that maybe I just don't measure up to those expectations. It is a good picture - professionally taken. but it is me - perhaps the real life me just isn't as good as the two-dimensional? This is a very dangerous train of thought to go down. In today's day and age, and with my insecurities shining through, I have to accept that not everyone I meet is going to find me attractive. Just as I have viewed their pictures and when I've met them in person, I think they are not quite what I was expecting either. So, I can speculate and try to ascertain 'why he didn't call me again' but really - why? Regardless of the reasoning, the outcome is still the same: we're not going to see each other again. And is that so wrong? No. Am I disappointed? Yes. But if I really think it through...the only people I seem to be attracted to are the ones I can't have - and there in lies the rub. Perhaps, that is the very thing I find attractive.

If I think it through like an experiment - I have to admit that on these few chance encounters that I have decided that i think it would be nice to see them again, I realize that I only think that I would see them again if they called. And, although it chips at my ego when they don't, I am quite thankful - looking at it in hindsight - that they didn't. Because I still believe in that spark. I still believe that there will be that moment that I will share with someone - when there's undeniable chemistry - and that has yet to happen with anyone I have dated thus far.

So what's my point.
Rejection sucks...but not half as much as settling. It's more important to be true to what you want and who you are then to 'score' a second date with someone who is looking for something different than what you are. That's the bottom line. So the fishing line remains in the water. And I continue to learn the fine art of fishing, and mastering the baiting.