Shit happens

Here we go. So I've been busy. So I've been really busy. I've been driving a lot - some of it fun, some of it not so fun, but what really matters at the end of the day - is I am mother frickin' tired. I average about four hours of sleep a night (before you go there, it's for all of the wrong reasons - well actually some of the reasons are right, just not sexual) and so I spend quite a bit of my day yawning, drinking caffeinated beverages, chewing gum, etc. for the first few hours of my day and then I get into the swing of things.

At least, I USUALLY get into the swing of things. Yesterday, not so much. Warning - what you are about to read might very well fall under the 'TMI' section of your brain, and yeah, it's embarrassing as all hell to me so why not share it with an indiscriminate world.

So again - here we go. Yesterday started off like every other day. I yawned, I yawned, I drank water, I brushed my teeth, I yawned some more and then drank my coffee. I came into work and still felt tired (my eyes were puffy and dry - sensitive to light like I'm some albino mole emerging from the cave) so I decided to drink some more coffee; but not just any old coffee - coffee from the pods that are available to me here at work. I then went into a long strategic meeting, and proceeded to drink some more coffee...and then my guts let me know that this alien coffee was not sitting well, that it was proving itself to be a very strong diarrhetic and I best change locations - and SOON!

So, listening to my body, I proceeded into the bathroom. Now, my day job has an enlightened look on bathrooms. They like the not-quite unisex but let's call it communal approach to bathrooms. You walk through a glass door and there's a "his" bathroom to your left, and a "hers" bathroom to your right - but no doors are in between, because everybody likes it when it echoes when they're doing their business on either side. I mean, how can I get an applause break if you can't hear how masterfully I tinkle, fill and flush a toilet?

Anyway, I went into the stall the farthest from the door, closed the stall door, fumbled with the buttons on my pants and proceeded to do my business - courtesy flush almost as soon as I sat down. I told you, my stomach was hurting, my guts screaming and so I wasn't exactly sure how long I would be sitting on the throne...so I gamed it. Yeah, I did. I pulled out the trusty solitaire on the phone and played while the hot flush of desire (to excrete)passed. I heard someone come in, so I held out, hoping they would do their business and leave so I could finish doing mine. I didn't bother to look up or try and watch for feet - I mean, I was struggling not to just flush and flush to hide my body's desire to cleanse its colon...I heard the splash of water which signalled they were washing their hands, the slight pause in front of the mirror (really lady, is this the time to be vain? Are you Snow's evil step mother Queen?) and then they were gone - and I was able to finish what needed finishing.

Finally my body was ready to go back to the world of the working, and I got up and proceeded out of the stall. Then stopped. dead in my tracks. In my bleary-eyed exuberance to get to the stall, I had failed to shut the stall door. I started to giggle - all I could think about was this poor woman who had come in, washed her hands, turned around and saw me, sitting on the throne, flushed from my effort, one hand on a phone - thumbing my next solitaire move, and the other hand poised to do a courtesy flush on the chance I let one go. So yeah, shit happens.